Emotions

Today i read a blog. It made me cry. I've no idea why but somehow it made me think. Does she ever feels this way for me? Am i really something more to her? Or...like everyone else..they just enjoy criticising me. Making me feel less of myself.

I started this blog so as to have an outlet for my raging emotions. Which of course explains the title of my blog. Avoidance of Reality. Soon from encouraging words to make me blog and keep a healthy soul and mind to criticising my every word, my every entry. Forgiveness, i had always been more willing to give, i decided not to. I will never ever forgive those that turn encouragement to criticism.

I used to be confident. Proud of myself. But now, i might just be totally opposite of what i use to be. To change a person isn't easy but imagine what a few years of criticism and ill treatment can do to one. My friends tell me that i don't deserve such treatment. But i turned a deaf ear on them. Strangely, one might ask why. I've only one reason. Years ago, a close friend told me i didn't deserve a certain treatment from a certain someone. I chose to listen despite how much i know i love that someone. Why? I didn't want to end up being broken like my mum. She really loved my dad you know. But it was never meant to be. She ended up hurt. Maybe even till today, she might not be able to trust. But look at me now. I wished i hadn't listen. I wished i had stayed. I wished there wasn't anyone else but me for her. But that would be selfish. I had left back then. I can't possibly be the one and only one for her. How can one expect another to be alone for 3yrs? While the other is constantly having relationships with others. I have only myself to blame.

In this person's blog that i read today, she mentioned that she felt hurt whenever this other person mentions liking someone else or vice versa. And today, i realised that all the hurt that this person has had to go thru was all coz of one decision i made in the past. And now, it hurts me so terribly. I wish i could turn back time. Erase all of these. Start over. Like playing the games in neopet (Haahaa..). You can always restart.

In the past, i was never ever afraid of what the future might hold for any of my relationships. Now, i am. Not coz of any other reason but for just one reason. Only now do i know what it feels like to really love. I didn't believe that fear stems from love. But now i do.

Eve...In the past, you were my one and only one. Today, tomorrow and in the future to come, you will still be my one and only one. Come what may....

I Love You..